Original Posted By: Steve Ruse
I normally don't forward stuff like this to lists, but I suspect that thisone will strike a chord with many, many folks here...-Mike--------------------------------Trivia on Tools DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatchingflat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in thechest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against thatfreshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhereunder the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprintwhorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you tosay, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in theirholes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija boardprinciple. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictablemotion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismalyour future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of yourhand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting variousflammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting thegrease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16or 1/2 socket you've been s searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the groundafter you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jackhandle firmly under the bumper. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobileupward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has anotherhydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool forspreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog **** off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than anyknown drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength oneverything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite thehandle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimescalled a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "thesunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night.Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbsat about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during,say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark thanlight, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-stylepaper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also beused, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in acoal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it intocompressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impactwrench that grips rusty bolts last overtightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO, and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip orbracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadaysis used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive partsnot far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contentsof cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularlywell on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plasticbottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garagewhile yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next toolthat you will need. EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, whichsomehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiencyin foresightMike Whaley merlin@ov-10bronco.netWebmaster, OV-10 Bronco Associationhttp://www.ov-10bronco.net/___________________ ... ______Date: Sun, 08 Jan 2006 23:09:37 -0500